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An additional post afterwards.. I couldn't sleep, so I'm writing this.. Yeah.. I figure everyone knows the situation already.. Cutting right to the chase, I sincerely thank everyone who came to my early morning stream to comfort me. Honestly, it was incredibly painful, beyond what words can express. And lonely. I know I shouldn't say this, but it was tough because I kept having really bad thoughts. I knew I would get cursed at and mocked, but I turned on the stream anyway because... I just wished someone was nearby. I thought maybe if I just talked to someone, those thoughts wouldn't linger...? I genuinely thank those who came to comfort me again.

I had too many things I needed to protect. Which is why I really shouldn't have let things get this bad. I wanted to earn a lot of money, be dutiful to my parents (hyodo), and be a huge financial support for my family. My goals were just too big. Also, I wanted to marry the person I love, build a family, and live happily without any financial struggles. Plus, since my family wasn't well-off when I was young, I wanted to help those in need.