When I was at home with two kids close in age due to pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, I found it incredibly hard. I’m not sure if it just didn’t suit my personality, but I was constantly drained, tired, and depressed. I used to get so upset when my husband wouldn’t reply quickly to my texts while he was working, and we fought about it a lot.

When my second turned two, I started working again and we became a dual-income household. Once I was in the thick of it at the office, I realized I couldn't reply to his messages either. Back when I was a stay-at-home mom, he’d send me photos of flowers at Yangjaecheon or the sky during his lunch break, saying things like, 'The seasons are changing. It’s a beautiful day, too bad you’re stuck inside with the baby.' Honestly, it didn't comfort me much then, but after working myself, I realized that taking the time to snap a photo and send it during a quick lunch break requires a lot of love and consideration for your partner.

After my career break, I started back at minimum wage. As a STEM major, I worked hard, got technical certifications, and leveled up my specs until I eventually matched my husband’s salary. But once I actually had that money in my hands, it didn't feel like a lot. I finally understood how suffocating it must have been for him to support a family of three, then four, while even covering medical bills for his aging parents.

Back then, I thought my stress over not having enough money for the kids was totally justified, but standing in his shoes, I finally understood his perspective too.

Eventually, my husband hit a wall with burnout and asked, 'Can I quit and just rest for a bit?' As soon as he said it, I told him, 'Even a machine breaks down or gets scrapped after 20 years, so of course a human would too. You’ve worked so hard. I’ll earn the money, you just rest for a while.' We got by on unemployment benefits for a few months, but things were tight. He eventually found a new job, but honestly, I was so anxious about supporting a family of four on just my salary. I was constantly worried about what would happen if an emergency popped up.

After we started dual income, my husband would encourage me to go out one day on the weekend while he went to the library to study on the other. When he handed me the certification he earned and said, 'This is basically yours,' I didn't feel much. I actually felt resentful that I had to struggle with the kids on weekends while he was 'self-improving.' Since we both worked and the kids were in daycare, we’d catch colds in a cycle every winter. Ear infections, hand-foot-and-mouth—I even had to take the kids to work sometimes. My boss actually carried my kid on his back and put him to sleep once... lol. Looking back, it's a memory now, but I still feel bad for being such a nuisance. Conversely, there was a time I had to take a three-week training course and exam, and the pressure was so immense I realized his studying wasn't an easy 'escape' either.

All those times have passed, I’m in my early 40s now, the kids are grown, and I have more breathing room. Our titles and salaries have gone up, and I think we’re living a normal life like everyone else.

I see the single income vs. dual income vs. SAHM vs. working mom debates constantly on cafes and communities, but I really think it's impossible to 100% understand someone’s situation without living it. There are things you only feel and see once you’ve been through it yourself.

Raising a child is a non-stop cycle of different struggles and endless worries at every stage. Even if it looks easy or relaxed from the outside, everyone has their own hardships. And the difficulty of parenting varies wildly depending on the child’s personality.

I hope we can all look at each other with a bit more grace, thinking, 'Ah, that person must be having a hard time too,' or 'That situation must be tough.' I wish we had more of that mindset.