My mental state is already getting shredded just from the Sanggyeollye because of my vegan future in-laws. Am I being too sensitive?
I truly didn't know I'd be this stressed while planning the wedding. Just deciding on one place for the Sanggyeollye is already suffocating me.
My future in-laws are strict vegans. I knew they live a vegan lifestyle based on their principles, and I've tried to respect that. The problem is they are dead set on having the Sanggyeollye ONLY at a vegan restaurant. No compromise, no options given.
What's even more frustrating is my fiancé's attitude. He just parrots his parents' logic: "Since Mom and Dad are vegan, a vegan restaurant is the right choice for the Sanggyeollye," and "It's an event centered around the elders, so we should accommodate them."
Actually, this isn't the first time this issue has come up. I was invited over to my fiancé's house for dinner once. Honestly, I still haven't forgotten the shock I got that day.
The menu was bland seaweed soup (미역국), heavy, gritty kimchi that tasted only of chili powder (no fish sauce/액젓), and a few veggie side dishes. That was it.
Even considering it was a vegan diet, I thought, 'Is this really what you serve guests?' The food was flavorless, and I felt zero consideration.
To be honest, shouldn't vegans actually pay *more* attention to menu selection? But it was just seaweed soup, kimchi, and a few flavorless side dishes. My mind went blank while eating that meal.
At the time, I thought: 'We'll be living separately anyway once we're married, and we won't eat together every day.' 'Just let this slide.' So I didn't make a big deal out of it.
But seeing them now pushing the vegan restaurant as a *given* for the Sanggyeollye location, that memory came flooding back, and I started realizing this isn't just a simple diet issue.
My fiancé basically grew up on a forced vegan diet at home. Since all the side dishes were vegan, he had no choice, and he said he hardly ever ate meat or fish growing up. He only eats non-vegan food freely when he's outside the house.
And yet, whenever the Sanggyeollye comes up, he takes his parents' side, saying, "You need to be understanding," and "It's obvious."
My parents' reaction is ice-cold. "What kind of manner is this?" "Isn't the Sanggyeollye a place for mutual consideration?" "If they act like this from the start, it'll only get worse after the wedding."
My mom, especially, is openly worried. "That family is going to interfere with the child's diet if you have kids." "They'll butt into baby food, snacks, and even school lunches."
Honestly, those words keep spinning in my head too.
When I brought up this anxiety to my fiancé, he just said, "Why are you worrying about things that haven't even happened yet?" and "My parents won't force anything."
But is he really the one who should be saying that, considering he lived on a forced diet his whole life?
The anxiety I'm feeling now isn't just about hating vegan restaurants. I'm terrified because this situation clearly shows that in this marriage, I will constantly be the one who has to put up with things, adjust, and be understanding.
Is it really normal practice to hold the Sanggyeollye at a vegan restaurant?
Is suggesting a regular restaurant that has vegan options such a huge disrespect?
Or is the warning light already flashing at this stage?
Am I being too sensitive, or does everyone else see this situation as not normal? Please give me truly honest advice.
"This isn't just about salad, OP. It's a massive red flag. Ditching the whole thing now will save you a lifetime of forced kimchi."
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