[DM] JT confesses: I considered ending it all in Moscow after that penalty miss.

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John Terry revealed he considered taking his own life after missing the penalty in the 2008 Champions League final shootout. The Chelsea legend slipped while taking the potential winning kick against Manchester United, which led to United claiming the trophy. Anelka missed later, but Terry's slip in Moscow remains the defining image. Terry, now 45, confessed on a podcast that he considered jumping from the 25th floor of the hotel where the team was staying. He said teammates found him and brought him downstairs. He recalled: “Looking back now, I really wish I had talked to someone. After the game, everyone went back to the hotel, and I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, looking out the window, just thinking, ‘Why? Why?’ I’m not saying I would have definitely done it if I had the chance to jump, but all sorts of thoughts were rushing through my head at that moment.” He continued: “But my teammates came up and brought me down. In moments like that, you think, ‘What if…’ You just never know in life.”

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Terry also recalled the agony of joining the England national team days later. “3 or 4 days later I joined the England squad, and the Man U players were sitting across the table. That was the worst. Then we played the US at Wembley, and I scored a header. At that moment, I thought, ‘Why couldn’t I swap this goal for that penalty?’" He revealed that the memory still lingers. “It has softened a lot over time, but when I was playing, I managed to push that memory deep down and keep going through every match, every season. Now that I’ve retired, I don’t have that tension and focus that comes from playing every week or being in front of the fans, so it hits me even harder. I wake up in the middle of the night and remember, ‘Ah, that really happened.’ I probably won't forget it my whole life."

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Terry was deeply shocked at the time, publicly apologizing to fans via an open letter, and said he barely slept for days afterward, constantly reliving the scene. Four years later, Chelsea won the Champions League against Bayern Munich in a shootout, and Terry finally lifted the trophy. (Although he was suspended for the final after a red card against Barcelona in the semi-final.) This interview is the first time Terry has explicitly stated he considered suicide. He credited Ray Wilkins, then Chelsea's assistant coach, with major help. “Ray Wilkins was huge. He was the first person to call me right after the game to check on me. That’s when you quickly learn who your real friends are, who really cares about you. There aren't many true friends in football, but you definitely remember the people who stick around during tough times.” When Wilkins passed away in 2018, Terry described him as "someone who brought strength just by being around." When asked how he endured the pain of the miss, Terry responded: “I don’t know. You just survive and keep living. I was raised in my father's generation’s way—if you said you were struggling, you’d get a clip and be told to get back up and endure. It was a time when falling down meant getting up and charging straight into the toughest opponent. Things are very different now, and I think that change is genuinely crucial for football.”