Iโm writing this because Iโm so frustrated. Long post ahead, sorry. Using 'eum-seum-che' (informal bullet points). My husband and I are both '88 liners (36 years old) with two kids, ages 8 and 6. My husband has been running his own business for 7 years, but it took a huge hit during COVID. Averaging his income over the 7 years, he makes about 4M KRW ($3,000) a month. He only rests once a week on Wednesdays and works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week including weekends. Since we have no help with the kids from either side of the family, I'm stuck with solo parenting every weekday and weekend while working my own jobs... I've been working steadily at my company for 12 years without a single gap. Even while having two kids, I worked from home, kept my benefits, and earned about 2M KRW. As the kids got older, money got tight (especially during COVID when my husband often brought home less than 1M KRW), so I thought I could handle more remote work and scoured job boards every day. I ended up getting a second job that pays another 2M KRW. Getting even more ambitious, I took on a micro-tasking side gig for about 100-200k KRW and have been running a personal blog for 10 years. Thanks to the blog, we get hair appointments, nail art, lashes, waxing, and even kids' pensions or restaurants almost for free. I haven't spent a dime on my own grooming in years to help the household budget.
To be honest, after dropping the kids off at kindergarten and working from home, cooking and doing dishes feels like too much, so I usually order delivery. I don't even eat muchโif I order something like Malatang, I eat it over 2-3 days. But my husband sighs and gives me the death stare every time he sees a delivery, saying we can't save money because of it. He nags me, saying since I'm at home, I should cook what's in the fridge instead of spending 150k KRW ($110) a month on delivery. We've fought several times about this. I told him even if I commuted to an office, I'd spend over 10k a day just on lunch, so why is he giving me sh*t about food? While I've been grinding with two, three, or four jobs for the past 10 years, my husband says it's hard enough focusing on one thing and just sticks to his business. Honestly, I wish heโd at least do a blog or receipt micro-tasks to save on coffee money. He's a one-man shop with not many customers, so he could easily do side hustles while at the shop, but he just tells me not to stress him out. LOL.
The problem is, I think I've hit a major burnout... After 10 years of just 'work, work, work' and 'money, money, money,' I'm exhausted. Having both kids for 12 hours at home today (a weekend) made me feel like I was losing my mind. I have work due tomorrow, so after washing and tucking them in, Iโm back at the computer at dawn. I'll probably have to pull an all-nighter again, right?
Whenever money comes up, he always says the reason we haven't saved is because of me. He says I only do the extra jobs because I'm 'greedy' and want to spend more. He doesn't seem to realize that all that money goes to the kids and him... Aside from the occasional drink with friends to de-stress, I don't buy much for myself. Even if I buy a T-shirt or some sneakers once in a blue moon, I'm busting my ass to bring in 5-6M KRW ($3,700-$4,400) a monthโis buying one or two things really worth getting bitched at? I don't even get a set allowance or 'living expenses' from him. I pay for kindergarten, academies, the kids' clothes and food, and my own gas from what I earn. He handles the utilities, management fees, groceries, and travel expenses separately.
I wasn't looking for praise or to be told I'm doing a great job, but hearing that us not saving money is all my fault... it just feels so empty. Ha. Why am I even earning? Why am I even living? The kids will only cost more over the next 10 yearsโdo I have to keep living like this? Thinking that everything would be easier if I just died or that I wouldn't have these thoughts if I were dead makes me realize this is definitely burnout. I'm going to show the comments to my husband, so please point out the issues with both of us. Every time I try to talk, he says I'm just picking a fight and walks away, which is so frustrating. I feel like I'm the real breadwinner of this house. I'm the only one desperately struggling.
"The community is calling out the husband's massive inferiority complex and textbook gaslighting, advising the OP to either go on strike or reconsider the marriage before the burnout consumes her."
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