Holding a funeral without a pre-paid Sangjo service

My grandmother is in critical condition and the hospital told us she probably won't last more than 2-3 days. Since a funeral is inevitable and I don't know the first thing about the procedures, I was planning on using one of those 'Sangjo' (pre-paid funeral) services where you just pay a lump sum and they handle everything. But even if you use a Sangjo service, they told me I still have to pick out a funeral hall. So, I started looking into local funeral homes to check out their facilities.

Since we don't expect many mourners, I looked for a small-scale venue. You can find the capacity of each room for local funeral homes online. Generally, hospital funeral halls are smaller and cheaper, while the newer, standalone ones are larger and much more expensive.

I visited one university hospital funeral hall, and it was so quiet I wondered if it was even open. The lights were off, and the staff member had to turn them on just to show me around. The scale was small, the facilities were generally dated, and the room for the chief mourner to sleep in was tiny. They gave me a rough quote and didn't really push for expensive items.

Next, I went to one of those newer, popular places. We were looking for something small without worrying too much about the cost, but those new places rarely have small rooms. This place happened to have one relatively small room (70 seats).

During the consultation, the staff asked if I had a Sangjo plan. I said I didn't but was planning to use one. The staff told me there's no need. They explained that Sangjo companies don't bring in their own supplies from elsewhere; they just use the funeral home's inventory and vehicles anyway. They said Sangjo companies need to make a profit too, so they just tack on extra fees, which is a waste of money. When I said I didn't know the procedures, they told me not to worry because they'd help with everything. When drafting the quote for supplies like the casket or urn, they didn't push for the expensive stuff. They said they could provide pricey ones if I wanted, but there wasn't much difference between the cheap and expensive options. Trusting the funeral home, I decided to go without a Sangjo service.

I brought my mother to see the place, and after comparing it to the hospital funeral hall, she chose this one immediately. The chief mourner's area had separate rooms for men and women, each with its own shower and bed. Since it was a new building, everything was very clean.

Eventually, my grandmother passed away. I called the funeral home, and the staff came to transport her. We went straight to the hall to register, and they asked what time we wanted the procession ('balin'). The reason they asked is because every funeral home uses the same crematoriums, and the 9 AM to 10 AM slots are super competitive, so you have to book immediately to get the time you want. They handled the crematorium booking for us. They also sent a template for the obituary text with the mourner's info, date, and location. I just had to forward that to my acquaintances.

True to their word, the funeral home staff handled the entire proceedings. There are moments where you're not sure what to do, and in those cases, you can just ask the staff. Apparently, if you use a Sangjo service, their staff stays with the bereaved family throughout the whole funeral.

I once helped out a friend as a pallbearer on a weekday morning because they didn't have enough people. Originally it takes 6 people, but since they were short, 4 of us did it. If you don't have enough people to carry the casket, the funeral home staff will do it for you. I told the funeral home just in case, and they had staff on standby. We ended up having enough people, so the staff went back.

Even at the crematorium, the driver guided us all the way to the registration desk. They mentioned that if there's no one to carry the casket from the hearse to the crematorium, the drivers from different funeral homes help each other out. There's a separate lounge for drivers at the crematorium, and they all seem to know each other.

For the food prep, if you tell the funeral home, they send helpers for as long as you need. They aren't permanent staff of the funeral home, so you pay them separately as daily workers.

I've visited this funeral home a few times as a guest, and I noticed that the small rooms are usually empty while the big ones are always full. The bigger the room, the higher the cost. And there are so many wreaths... it really makes a stark contrast for those who don't have many guests.

I lived with my grandmother since I was a kid, so she was like a mother to me. I cried so much during the funeral and the moment she went into the crematorium. I kept crying on the bus to the burial site. A 2-day funeral would have felt too short. A 3-day funeral felt just right.