Because your feelings reached me

I realized it by chance, and I wonder if you know how much I'm agonizing over what to do. My situation—which I can't tell anyone about but will eventually come to light—and that awkwardness from you that only I seem to feel, they keep me stuck in a loop of worry every day. I've tried so many things to stop caring, but I keep ending up back at square one. I tried to distance myself, but it’s not working, and the future feels pitch black. I'm just letting time pass, thinking if it's meant to be, we'll naturally stay connected, and if not, we'll drift apart. But I don't have the confidence... Thanks for noticing me. I want to say this to you, but it feels too hard, so I'm just talking to myself here. I ended up here somehow, and I like that it's like a 'bamboo forest' for venting. This is how I feel... what do you think about it all?