Gonna write this in shorthand style. My mom’s nerves are totally shot, you know? Until her 40s, she lived with depression + anger issues (this part ended in her 30s) + insomnia + anorexia. She had a scarred childhood in her teens, her marriage in her 20s was even more traumatizing, and while she was happy in her 30s after getting remarried, it seems like all those accumulated scars really took a toll on her sensitive personality. When I was a kid, my mom was always doped up on psych meds, getting into accidents, struggling, and looking like she’d collapse any second. But after I became an adult, it turns out I have the exact same temperament. My 20s were rough—depression, being hyper-sensitive, insomnia, and anorexia followed by binge eating that lasted twice as long. I'm summarizing here, but my 20s were so horrifying that I literally prayed for those "pretty and glamorous" years to just pass by quickly because people said things would get better as I got older. I never really wanted to get married since I was a kid, and though I briefly considered it in my 30s, I think staying single is definitely the right move for me. In my mom’s era, people didn’t know much about this stuff and it was a traumatized generation so they just lived with it, but our generation is different. Bringing a kid into this world knowing all this feels like pure greed. When I think about my daughter having to live every day in hell, swallowing the urge to die... I love my mom and I'm sure some of it was my fault too, so I don't resent her, but if my kid has to suffer like that, I'd rather just not have one. I have so much to do, I have to handle my parents' debt and their retirement, so what's the point of marriage? What did my future husband do to deserve that? I've officially decided to scrap the idea. Anyone else out here like me? I'm just writing this because I hit a major reality check while working out in the cold air! About to start my next shift, but I wonder how long I have to keep doing this. I think I'm burnt out. I had nowhere else to talk about this.. Thanks to everyone who read my venting, and Happy New Year!